Positive.

We are going to be parents! [who's nervous?!]

Technically Mr W was the first to say that I was pregnant. I vividly remember meeting him at work for lunch on a random weekday afternoon. It was towards the end of July. Mr W had traveled most of June/July so we were spending an unusual amount of time together making up for the month apart. Sitting down to lunch across from him I mentioned feeling like a sloth because I had felt sick. I thought NOTHING of this statement. Mr W looked up from his plate and met me square in the eye, asking in a whisper and a glint in his smile "are you pregnant?". I hardly paused and replied with "no way, just a headache that made me sick". We continued on with lunch and our lives for another 10 days.

Time for discernment. Girl talk ahead.

Then on August 8 instead of pouring over books and blogs with my coffee I was pouring over a positive pregnancy test. Rewind, I had felt prompted by a weird dream early that morning. I was compelled to confirm it with an at home pregnancy test. Pee hadn't yet breathed upon that test before a positive plus sign appeared. I immediately thought it was a false positive and took another brand of test. I've always been a fan of repeatable results.

Upon seeing a second plus sign, I instantly smiled and began jumping around our apartment.  [sidebar] Growing up with dogs whenever something exciting in life happened I'd jump around all crazy like to get them excited too [end]. Forgetting our cats run and hide over too much excitement, I did two laps around our place jumping, grinning and practically shrieking.

Then in what I can only assume was the beginning of my pregnancy induced emotions; I cried. I cried because as much as the plus sign(s) were confirmation, it totally wasn't. I have many friends/family/acquaintances who have experienced miscarriage and my female heart was immediately afraid. I thought over and over Lord, protect my heart.  Its not that we were exactly expecting to be expecting at this point in marriage but I have been so looking forward to the day I became a mom.  A contributing factor for Mr W taking his new job last year was better pay/benefits to allow me to stop working full time sooner.  This was all in preparation for one day when I would be raising our children at home. Realizing NOW was God's timing for all this was very overwhelming.

So, I promptly dried my tears and went off to run errands; stopping extra long to graze over the infant onesies at Costco -they all have animal-ear hoodies! My last stop was to the Patagonia store where luckily they were having a sale. I picked up the most not-needed baby thing I could buy, a 12m baby micro fleece.

Mr W and I ironically had special dinner plans for that night and I had the perfect way to share the news. Although, technically, he had already discerned that I was pregnant and I totally did not even entertain the notion.

Until later,
mama and daddy Dubyah to-be